It’s getting warmer outside, slowly but surely, which means summer is finally here. And while summer tends to be a pretty great time for students — no assignments! sleeping in! lots of beer and then hangovers but it doesn’t matter because you can sleep in ’til the afternoon! — it also brings with it the unfortunate need for a summer job.

I’ve been working for a couple of years now, but I still remember dreading the job hunt process. The worst part was always the résumé building: I’d spend days tweaking and proofreading (and proofreading and proofreading) it, thinking that I was a prime candidate for whatever job, only to submit and then hear… nothing. For days and weeks. It’s enough to make you crazy. You end up convinced you’ve overlooked something — some typo or omission or unclear qualification — to the point where you just want to skip out of the whole process and go do some voluntourism or whatever.

I’m on the other side now. I’ve been hiring students for the summer. I get to review résumés that I bet inspire the very same worries in their authors as mine did. And, as part of this, I’ve learned something that would have helped ease my mind so much back in my student job-hunting days; I’ve learned that the candidate selection process is mostly random. It’s all based on biases and connections and how the person sifting through the résumés is feeling that morning. There’s no science to it.

As a result, I thought I’d share some résumé tips based on my own experiences. Bear in mind that the selection process tends to come down to biases, as each person will have their own individual red flags that cause them to dismiss an applicant. These are just mine.

Don’t Include an ‘Objective’

This was probably more sensible at one point, when people had lofty career expectations that included staying with a company for anywhere between ten years and the rest of their lives, but I don’t think anyone buys that as a realistic (or likely) scenario these days, which makes the ‘objective’ part of the résumé an exercise in almost pure BS.

Here’s the thing. If you have an ‘objective’ on your résumé right now, I bet it says something like “To obtain employment in a fast-paced dynamic environment and gain further skills in the area of customer service.” Strip that of all the dressed-up language, and you’ve got this: to get a job. Your objective is, in 99% of cases, to get a job.

And that’s fine. Let’s not pretend we live in some sort of altruistic money-isn’t-everything society where people take work purely for the experience of it and not because they need to make money and pay the rent. You want to get a job. That’s a good thing. But it’s also kind of implied by the very fact that you are applying for work. No ‘objective’ needed.

What you should do instead: I’m a big fan of ‘profile statements’ which is like an even shorter version of your résumé. Pretend you’re on twitter and make it short and snappy: “Toronto-based freelance writer and program developer with five years experience in coordinating and overseeing the development of online communities.” Something like that.

Don’t shroud your work experience in jargon

We’ve all done this before, particularly when we’re not feeling confident in our past work experience. Suddenly you weren’t a cashier at a grocery store, you were a “customer service technician.” You weren’t a “line cook” at McDonalds, you were a “culinary coordinator.” And so on.

Don’t do this. All but the most stupid of recruiters will see right through you, and it’s a sure sign of desperation. While résumés are, by default, a formal mode of communication, there’s nothing formal about referring to the paper route you had when you were 10 as a ‘roving media dispatcher’.

What you should do instead: First, ask yourself if you even need to list that job you had in the tenth grade. Unless you REALLY haven’t worked since, then you’re probably safe to just leave it off entirely. If you’re hard up for any work experience, then just list what you did honestly and plainly, but be sure to include a few bullet points outlining the tasks you performed and your job performance — at the very least, that McJob experience shows that you’re reliable and responsible enough to maintain work.

Don’t tell me you’re proficient in ‘Internet’

This is another one that may have made sense in the halcyon days of yore, when browsing the internet meant finding your Netscape Navigator diskette and dialing in at 9800 bauds. But if you’re still listing “Internet” under the “Computer Skills” section of your résumé you are sorely behind the times.

The internet is not something you’re proficient in. You open a browser. You type in an address. You hit ‘back’ and ‘forward’ as necessary. Given today’s technology, listing that you’re proficient with the internet is roughly akin to bragging about your ability to operate a light switch.

What you should do instead: Be more specific. One of the more in-demand skills right now is the ability to be an effective internet researcher. Are you good at using google to find obscure information? That might be a skill worth listing.

Avoid the Microsoft Word template

This one is especially important for anyone who wants to get hired in any kind of creative industry. Handing someone a résumé that extolls your creativity and inventiveness in the basic stock template comes off a bit like Steven Hawking bragging about his dancing ability.

And regardless of the template you use, for the love of all that is good in this world, don’t use Times New Roman.

What you should do instead: If you’re in a crunch, at least pick one of the templates you have to download from Microsoft’s Web Site — at least those won’t be that familiar. But, really, you should probably spend some time giving your résumé its own design. Don’t go so garish that it’s pink and scented (you’re not Elle Woods) but a subtle, professional design can go a long way toward differentiating you from the other résumés in the pile.

Don’t downplay your own abilities

This is the hardest part of résumé writing. There is no way to write an effective résumé without putting yourself into a box of arrogance. You have to be willing to embrace every egotistical bone in your body and sell yourself.

There’s no way around this, and yet frequently I read résumés where the writing just comes off as insecure. You can’t do this. It will, more than anything else (except for maybe spelling errors, but that’s so obvious I’m not even going to go into it) hurt your chances of getting an interview.

What you should do instead: Be bold. Be brazen. Write in the active voice EVERYWHERE. Don’t write “was responsible for ordering office supplies when required.” Write “ordered office supplies when necessary.” The little difference in those two sentences is, in fact, roughly the size of the Grand Canyon.

Don’t Give Up

The last piece of advice is simple and, in some cases, infuriating. Finding jobs can take a look time, even in a time like now, where demographics are honestly stacked in your favour. The best thing you can is just keep at it — eventually you’ll find the right fit.

Photo by bruceley. Licensed under Creative Commons

One of my first real jobs when I was a teenager was working as a cashier at a grocery store. I was young and socially awkward at the time. I had to wear a tie every day yet did not — and still do not, actually — know how to tie a tie. I was prone to ridiculous and nonsensical outbursts when speaking to customers. I could never remember most of the codes for fruits and vegetables. I lived in constant fear of running out of change in my till. I only worked there for about five months, and since that time I’ve had a bunch of jobs, all of which you would consider undoubtedly more grown-up than cashier at Sobeys and yet, still, I consider it to be the most stressful job I’ve ever had.

A lot of it was because I hate customer service — I just am not cut out for it, like some people are — but another factor in my constant stress was that grocery stores are, with some rare exceptions, tremendously badly designed places. They emphasize customer service, but only in ways that hurt efficiency. The goal seems to be to confuse the customer into buying more food — and, more recently, lawn furniture and mass market paperbacks and firewood (all things you need for a solid weekend) –, at the expense of giving customers what they actually want. While everything else has continued to grow and change with new technology, the biggest advancement grocery stores have made across the board in the last twenty years is the elimination of the personal cheque.

So let’s make it better. Let’s build a better grocery store. It can’t be that hard, can it?

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